SPASDI’s services for me
How can one assess the karat of affection?
Mom says, “There is no need to have magical wings for jumping up and reaching God, and also no need for fairy, witch and genie.” We only should be strong and commit ourselves to God. When I ask my mother what does "we commit ourselves to God" mean? She says: “look at your brother; when we take him to the air, he laughs at the bottom of his heart, because he is sure that we take him.” This means committing ourselves to God and being satisfied with whatever He wants. But sometimes laughing is difficult. When you are sad, you like to be among those similar to you. That is why I love Wednesdays more than other days; because, on Wednesdays, I have class at SPASDI. We have many teachers from social workers to psychologists, nutritionists, doctors, and many other people. We exercise in the class to be gentle and forgiving, even those who have offended us. Our homework is to write the good things that we have done during the day, the people we have thought to live with "AIDS".
They can have many children and can live with them; because "AIDS" cannot be transmitted by living with affected people like me, what cause individuals to become sick is the things that are health hazards. They should know them and do not do them. I have learned all these things in the Wednesday classes held in the SPASDI. However, we have many aunts in SPASDI who hold parties for us, for example, birthday party, Children's Day, Chaharshanbeh Suri, Ramadan Iftar for being able to tell others that "What is AIDS". We have also celebrations on the day of "HIV-affected orphans" and World AIDS Day.
My mother and her friends who are called “health- advocate mothers" have gone many places such as universities, parks, Milad Tower, and many other places whose names I do not remember to say that “see, we have AIDS, our countenance is like you, we do not make you sick; you should know the ways of transmission. If you want to know other places that my mother and health-advocate mothers go, you can read news of the site.
Story of my life
Due to my disease, I should take 4 or sometimes 5 tablets per day; some months I must have injections; it hurts, but when I do it, my mom call me brave. Even, sometimes she says Mahdi is my brave son, a big man of the future. I do not know what is the future? But I like what my mom says. Some people say that I am smaller than other kids because of my disease, but my brother who is not sick tells me that the expression “Pay no attention to the tiny size of pepper, break it and see how sharp it is” is true for you. Because it is enough to pretend that you are a little sick, then dad will buy for you what you want.
My father does not have his own children, but he loves us; he is our father since several months ago. Our disease is not too bad. Our father is also sick, but he is so kind. Everyone say that if he was not sick, he was not our father. Mom says sometimes people make mistakes, but if they make a promise to God that they do not repeat the mistake, God is merciful and forgives. My mom says that we have had our own real father; but he did things that made him ill, and then he transmitted this illness to my mother. He is now passed away. But God, who is very affectionate and loves kids, sent a father for us to prevent us from being alone. Dad has a tattoo on his arm. I saw it stealthy, because he always wears long sleeves cloths. I asked the mom why, but she told me shush! She said do not say anything about it to him." He has made a mistake but now he is regret". I do not know what is the meaning of regret? But I love my dad.
He takes us to SPASDI every week, because it is far from our home. We awaken sooner than our rooster in the yard. When the rooster is still asleep, we leave the home; because we have to walk a long distance to reach the main road and use the bus. The distance is long, but instead we spend a very pleasant time during that time. By the way, my birthday is in this week. They celebrate the birthday for all the kids who are like me in SPASDI. They do not at all make fun of us. When I was studying the first grade in the primary school, my cousins, knowing that I have AIDS, were telling me that they are celebrating your birthday for no reason, because you will die. But I am not going to die; this year I will start my second grade in the school. AIDS is not too bad, the bad is that one lies; honest people are powerful. I am always honest. I know that when I go to the doctor, I must tell him my illness to enable him to focus more on me. I love God a lot.
My doctor has told me that I am sick. But my illness does not easily make others sick. There is no vaccine for our disease. It is unclear when we will get healthy again, but we must take care of ourselves and not do what is unsafe and dangerous for our bodies, so others do not get sick until the time the drug for permanent health is found. I also would like to say that my grandmother has diabetes. I don’t know what is diabetes, but whatever it is, I don’t like it; because one cannot eat chocolate and sweets; but AIDS is not like that. I Love you my dear God, always be with us.
Perhaps the day the poet Sohrab wrote:
‘we should live as long as there is an anemone’
he didn’t know about the heart of jasmine, which was filled with pain.
In my opinion one should write it this way:
‘whatever flower you are, whether anemone, ivy or jasmine, life and living is compulsory!’
I remember when I read this beautiful poem; I was studying in the fifth grade of primary school. At that day, the theme of our composition was "Hope". Teacher asked me to read my composition for the students of our class and I started my composition with this poem. After the class, teacher called me and said “Darya, darling, can I help you? Do you agree if I talk with your parents?” It was here that I cried and said: “Even God did not love me, I was bad enough that God took the Mom and Dad that all the children have from me. Even many kids in the family do not play with me. I'm afraid if you know who I am, you also refuse to be my teacher.” I still remember the surprised face of my teacher when she was hearing my words!
I remember I told her, if you understand who am I, I must leave this school; and then this school would be the second school that I should leave! How nice that the bad memories are not forgotten! You may ask why? Because when you are experiencing pain and your heart is broken, you would not want anyone else to experience that pain. Since my childhood I remember that two human angels are beside me, two gentle angels, I remember that they were called "aunts better than mother". I remember that as soon as \i got used to one of them, she would be replaced by the other one; because they both had their own homes, life and children. After all, I was not their child. I remember that the kids in the family didn’t like to play with me; they were saying to me that I should have injection every month and I should take a lot of medications each day. If we play with you, we may get sick like you. But contrary to these kids, there was a place where I could take classes on Wednesdays. I remember that I usually could not sleep the night before Wednesdays because of the joy of having that class tomorrow.
That place was SPASDI, where kids like me who had HIV could easily say: “I'm HIV positive”. Now that you know I 'm sick and you will not get sick from me, do you embrace me? Do you play with me? Now, those hard times have passed and I am now 19 years old, I have engaged with an "HIV positive" boy and I want to continue my education and become a doctor to not let the other children like me be born with "AIDS". It is true that I did not choose my parents. It is true that I did not want my father to get tattoos in prison and so get "HIV" and then infect my mother and so she would leave me; but still, I want to choose my own friends. I can tell others to take care of themselves.
If I do not do it, so what is difference between me and the rest that were not aware and broke my heart? And now I want to act my duty with the help of SPASDI and say that it is possible to live with "AIDS", to live as a child, to grow up, to study, to marry and have healthy babies.